Was, Is, Will Not
by Insidiae
Summary: Things are not always as they seem. Perhaps, when one's profession is based upon lies and deceptions, it is best not to make any assumptions at all. Oneshot, NaruHina.


Another request fic. I take any requests (het, slash, femmeslash, gen), so if anyone wants me to write them something, I'd be more than happy to.

Warnings: Screwy tenses like whoa, spoilers for the Japanese anime, making up of canon chronology, slight OOC, and vague references to sex.

Me no own.

* * *

Naruto was not oblivious.

It had been easier for him to have people think he was. He was always a kind child, and some part of him realized early on that the villagers would be forced to face their own fears and guilt if he acknowledged the angry glares vengeful mutterings behind his back.

This way was easier.

He was always a smart child, and a small part of him realized early on that he didn't actually want to know the truth, didn't want to understand exactly what the village thought of him. After all, ignorance is bliss, and really, no child should experience such hatred.

This way was easier.

He was always watched by her. Some small part of him realized this early on, but wasn't sure what to think of it. She didn't ever really say much, and it was hard to tell what she was thinking. As he grew older, her began to understand that her feelings were those of affection, admiration, and adoration. It comforted him in great ways, and he swore to himself that one day, he would return her feelings, and make her feel as good as she made him. Just not right then.

This way was easiest.

He knew this, because he was not oblivious.

* * *

Hinata was not weak. 

It had been easier for her to have people think she was. Hiashi had never had high expectations of her. Even Hanabi held a higher place in his eyes. Honestly, while Hinata would've like her father's respect, she was perfectly content letting Neji be the shining prodigy of the Hyuuga family. Main and Branch meant nothing to her.

This way was easier.

Hinata had always been a shy and quiet girl; her teachers had never had high expectations of her, because she kept to herself and seemed so frail and fragile. When she was teamed up with Kiba, his loud personality completely drowned her out at first. Her timidness gave the illusion of being easily broken, but as a good ninja knows, one mustn't trust things by appearances alone. Hinata had noble blood, and that alone made her all the stronger. People just didn't realize it.

This way was easier.

Hinata was always watching everyone, because no one would watch her. No one ever had high expectations of her, and she found that the only one who was lower on the success ladder than she was the blond, blue-eyed boy who preferred negative attention over no attention at all. She found that she felt more deeply for the one person who was below her than anybody who was above her, because she knew what it was like to be disregarded and put to the side. She knew how bad it was for her... so for him, it must be ten times worse. And she swore to herself that she alone would love him enough for the hundreds of people who considered themselves above the both of them; she and her heart alone would give all the love that either she or he would ever need. And she felt confident that she could do it, all by herself.

This way was easiest.

Because while her body may have been weak, her heart was strong.

* * *

Naruto is not a monster. 

It is harder for him to have people think this way. The villagers are strong in their convictions, and conservative thought cannot be rearranged just for the sake of one teenaged boy. Those who do see Naruto for what he is wonder why he chooses now to change the minds of everyone around him. The truth is, back when Naruto was younger, he had a very pure and optimistic vision of the world, as thus was okay with letting people think what they would of him. However, Naruto is no longer a little boy, and he was forced to grow up too quickly. He has been betrayed but someone he cared... cares deeply for, and there is a large hole in his heart that cannot be filled by anyone except the cruel boy who ripped it open in the first place. This, sadly, is life.

This way is harder.

There are times when Naruto is almost swayed by the velvety voice of the demon that lives inside his body. The Nine-Tails is constantly trying to get his host to move to the beat of the fox's drum. He whispers secrets of the life of the bijuu, of how wonderful it is to be free of societal restraints and regulations. He growls out thoughts of vengeance and justice, trying to convince his human counterpart to take what is rightfully his. And sometimes, Naruto almost listens, almost lets go of his self-restraint and conscious thought in order to drown in the ferality that is intrinsically part of him, just to forget all the sadness an pain. It is all he can do to stop it.

This way is harder.

There are times when Naruto want to take it out on _her,_ just because she's always been there and always will be. Just because she still obnoxiously clings to the belief that the blond can succeed in all ways, where everyone else, to even the smallest extent, has given up on him. They have every right to; he failed, and if she would only realize that, everything would be so much easier. But no, she stays stubbornly by his side, and it makes her an easy target. When Naruto's self-control wanes, she is always the one closest by, and it would be so simple to reach out to her and snap her like a twig. The blond is certain she wouldn't even complain as he did it, and then feels horrible for even thinking such a thing.

This way is hardest.

Naruto is refraining, because if he doesn't, he will lose his humanity to the monster inside him, and he is NOT a monster. He knows this, because he is not oblivious.

* * *

Hinata is not naive. 

It is harder for her to have people think this way. Like the weakness, many perceive her shy and timid nature as signs of innocence. However, Hinata is a shinobi, and nothing is innocent. She is the heir to the Hyuuga family Main house, and knows the truth behind the family secret that binds cousins to cousins in enslavement. There is too much darkness around her for anything to be pure. This is not to say that this is what she would like. She would be perfectly happy to be a normal girl.

This way is harder.

Just recently, Hinata became a jounin. She's noticed lately that her missions have a definely different feel than before. She supposes she shouldn't be surprised; looking back she was always the most obviously well-developed girl of her class, even covered in thick coats. It's just... when she signed up for the academy, she never imagined pretending to whore herself out to get top secret information from dirty old men who held far too much power for their own good. Of course, she always kills them before they do things to her, but still. She feels as though her chastity is being ripped away with each one of these missions she completes.

This way is harder.

She notices that _he _is no longer the boy she fell in love with. However, she loves the new him just as much, if not more. She needs to love him more, because he is in a deep, dark place right now, smothered by the painful maturity brought on by that bastard Uchiha. She used to respect the pale boy, by now can only feel contempt and hatred for everything he has done to everyone. These feelings are new to her, because Hinata is a good person, but she is not afraid of them because she is not nearly as innocent as everyone takes her to be. She, perhaps better than anyone else, understands the fine line between good and bad. And still, she must restrain herself from reaching out to him, because she knows that right now, there is nobody that can ease the void of his heart.

This way is hardest.

Hinata understands this because she is not naive. But she can endure it, because she is not weak.

* * *

When the time comes, Naruto will not be regretful. 

Only time will tell whether this will make things easier or harder for him. In any case, he will someday realize that living in the past is no way to progress, and will start to look towards the future. He will make decisions that suit him, and will not think about nor care of the consequence. He always was impulsive, and this won't change, no matter how old he grows.

This way will be...

He will be teamed up with Hinata on more than one occasion. They'll become ANBU; ironically, he will be given the mask of a hummingbird, while she receives the fox. They'll both find that they work well with on another, and that each of them will be able to support the parts where the other will be weakest. Naruto will think back to the promise he made all those years ago to reciprocate her feelings, and he will decide that the time has finally come to do so.

This way will be...

When he finally decides, he will not hesitate. He'll pull her aside in the middle of the forest they'll be traveling through, and relish in the look of surprise on her face as he removes the mask. He will lean down before she gets over her shock and kiss soft lips shaped in a small frown from confusion. He'll feel the shift as those same lips form a smile underneath his own, and he will chuckle, a low husky sound from the back of his throat, before going on to show her the love she always offered him. He will not be afraid or sorry as he snaps opens the buttons on her ANBU vest. He'll feel some of the emptiness wane as he lays her down and smiles into her bare shoulder, body heat alone keeping them warm in the cool autumn air. He will memorize the feeling of smooth pale skin under his calloused hands, and he'll finally be able to fufill his promise, like he knew he always would.

This way will be... the way Naruto chooses, and nothing more, nothing less.

Naruto will be satisfied with his decision, because he won't be regretful. He'll be gentle and slow, and show incredible self-restrain, because he is not a monster. And he has always known this, because he was never oblivious.

* * *

When the time comes, Hinata will not be ashamed. 

Only time will tell whether this will make it easier or harder for her. In any case, she will one day realize that she has been living based on someone else's expectations, and notice that if she really wanted to be strong like Naruto was, she had to be strong on her own terms. She was also a good girl, and this will never change, no matter how old she grows.

This way will be...

Her love for Naruto will never turn platonic, no matter how long she has to dwell on what she'll think is a hopeless cause. When she works with him as ANBU, she'll think back to the rather humorous memory of her conversation with him before he faced Neji in the chuunin finals. He had called her weird and creepy, and at this point, she will consider the idea as a possible truth. Nobody loved Naruto the way she did, despite the fact that he was incredibly strong, kind, and more and more handsome. She'll suppose that old habits die hard, and that all the villages will still consider themselves above a half-breed brat. She'll realize, around this point, that others will look down on her, a noble, for falling in love with a monster.

This way will be...

When she finally responds and gives into her feelings, she will be overjoyed at knowing he feels the same. She'll be unable to stop the smile that will grace her lips, and she won't want to. She will feel light-headed as things progress; it'll be nothing like the feelings of embarrassment she faced each time she went one of_ those _missions, rather a giddy sort of dizziness. She will smile down comfortingly at him as her fingers ghost over hardened muscles behind a swirling black seal. She'll remember the way that Naruto told her even if she was weird and creepy, he may like girls like her. She will kiss him and love him and try her best to plug up the black hole that will still threaten to suck him in whole, and he will thank her. She will feel elated, if not nervous about what the future holds.

This way will be... the way Hinata chooses, nothing less, nothing more.

She will be confident in the choices she has made in her life, because she will not be ashamed. She'll understand what doing... what she'll do with Naruto means, because she is not naive. And she always had, and always will have the confidence to go through any decision she makes, because she has always been strong enough to do whatever she wanted.

* * *

Things are not always as they seem. Perhaps, when one's profession is based upon lies and deceptions, it is best not to make any assumptions at all.

* * *

That was... the closest thing I've ever written to a lemon. Wow, only eight levels of sucky, I'm impressed. 

Please review!

-Insidiae-


End file.
